Accidentally
by spottedhorse
Summary: They thought it happened ccidentally, meeting at the Harvest ball... edith and Anthony rediscover that force that pulls them together. One shot.


They thought it happened fortuitously, meeting at the Harvest ball hosted by the Earl and Countess of Carhurst. But as they found out much later, it had been planned by Carhurst and Hugh Gervas. Both were long time friends of Anthony Strallan and were concerned for him. Simply put, he hadn't been the same since the war but he had seemed better after reconnecting with Lady Edith Crawley, until he sacrificed his happiness for that of the woman he loved. The results of the meeting that night were unintentional but lead to their ultimate happiness.

Gervas didn't know Grantham or his family beyond meeting the second daughter years ago when Strallan had introduced them. Hugh and his wife knew immediately how taken Anthony was with the girl, and she was just a girl then. But years had passed and Lady Edith Crawley was no longer a girl but a woman in full flower. And it was obvious to anyone who looked that Anthony Strallan was still captivated.

Carhurst did know Grantham and used the social connection to help engineer the meeting. But as Carhurst and Gervas stood with their wives, watching their friend they wondered if their idea had been a good one. Anthony looked like he was coming unglued. Lady Edith looked broken and her father…well, he was furious. Carhurst had known Robert Crawley long enough to recognize the expression he was wearing.

"We must do something," Helen Gervas whispered.

"Yes, but what?" Eleanor Sutcliffe asked worriedly.

Before anyone could reply, Cora Crawley caught their attention. The watched in horror as she moved toward Sir Anthony. "What the devil is she doing, Nigel Sutcliffe, Earl of Carhurst wondered aloud.

"Sir Anthony…" Cora said softly without emotion.

"Lady Grantham," Anthony responded, almost questioning. It was obvious he was surprised by her approach.

"I can't say I have forgiven you for what you did to my daughter," she said, still very quietly. "But I can see plainly that you are suffering tonight with her so near. And I will tell you that she still loves you and she is suffering as well."

"Yes, of course Lady Grantham. I'll make my excuses and leave as soon as appropriate…"

"No, you misunderstand me Sir Anthony. I don't want you to leave; I want you to speak to my daughter. The way things were left…she's never understood why."

Grief crossed his features as he looked at her aghast. "But won't that just cause more sorrow?"

"Honestly Sir Anthony, I don't see how. Please, just find a moment to speak with her away from the others, especially her father and her sister."

Furrowing his brow, Anthony looked thoughtful. "As you wish," he finally agreed.

Cora retreated, leaving a nervous Anthony Strallan behind. But he had made a promise to her and Cora knew that he was a gentleman and would honor his promise.

It was another hour before Anthony managed to work his way to the same side of the room as Edith. He watched and waited patiently for an opportunity to catch her alone.

Edith was bored….bored and upset. She hadn't expected to run into him. "Who am I kidding," she thought to herself. "We have been in the same room all night and we haven't spoken. There has been no run in…" Sighing, she looked around for a place to put her cup and then eased her way to the large doors open along the wall of the room. Checking to see that no one was watching, she slipped out onto the balcony that overlooked the estate.

Anthony saw her slip away but waited before following. He didn't want his exit to be obvious either. So it was at least five more minutes before he slipped through a door on the other end. Across the room, Cora Crawley smiled as she watched them both.

The light from inside illuminated the balcony but beyond was darkness. At first Anthony thought perhaps she had fled out onto the lawn but as his eyes adjusted, he saw her at the far end leaning against a column. Slowly he began to move toward her, worried that she might duck back inside as soon as she saw him. But she seemed oblivious to everything around her and he was within only a few feet when he realized she was crying. "Edith?" he asked uncertainly.

Her head whipped around and even in the low lighting, he could see her stricken look. "Anthony? What…why…are you…I thought…"

"You've been crying?" He tried not to let his own unsettled emotions show.

"I…" She seemed to shrug. "It was very…lonely in there…all those happy people laughing and having such a good time and…."

He hazarded a step closer. "And you aren't happy?"

"Happy? No…how could I be. What have I to be happy about?"

'It was because of me, wasn't it…your unhappiness in there? I'll leave and you can…"

"No," she said, almost panicked. "I don't want you to leave…I didn't ever want you to leave me…"

"Oh Edith," he whispered desperately. "It was for you that I left you that day. You're so young and beautiful and have so much of life ahead of you and I would only hold you back. Why, just look at what you have accomplished without me; you're a well known columnist with a very large following."

Edith stared at him dismayed. "And you think that brings me happiness?" Her tone was incredulous. "Whatever happiness I derive from writing is merely that I have something with which to occupy my time… a sense of purpose in an otherwise purposeful less life. I'm a spinster, an old maid left at the altar, rejected by the only man I've ever really wanted. Please tell me Anthony, what have I to be happy about?"

"Surely there have been others coming around…someone who…"

Edith laugh sounded jaded and ugly. "Oh yes, I've had a suitor of sorts. He wants us to spend our lives together. Only the problem is he's already married. But even if he weren't…I don't love him. I was flattered, of course. Don't spinsters always act desperate when a man pays them attention? That's what I did anyway…acted stupidly."

Shocked, Anthony moved even closer. "Edith, you didn't…" he could give voice to his fear.

"Would it matter to you if I have?" He tone was biting.

It felt as if his heart had stopped beating. And his lungs wouldn't seem to function either. So he simply stood there staring at her, unable to move or answer.

"No, of course not…" she muttered despondently.

Sudden loud laughter sounded from just inside the window, startling them both. Edith's face turned toward the light and Anthony saw the line of tears down her cheek and felt culpable. "Edith," he whispered. She turned back to look at him again but said nothing.

"It does matter, of course it does. Because it is your reputation and…and I would not wish to see you tarnished or hurt. But if you are asking me if it would make a difference about how I felt…feel about you, then no; it does not. I have no right but… I do care for you, dearest one, and for you to be so sad…to feel so hopeless…and to know that I am to blame…" he couldn't finish; it hurt too much to see her suffering so.

Edith looked down, fidgeting with her hands. He heard her choke back new tears and felt like crying himself. "But you left me…and it still hurts," she said so softly he almost couldn't hear her.

A door opened at the other end of the balcony and a couple stepped out. Seeing that they were no longer alone, Anthony wanted to get Edith away from the others. "Perhaps a stroll in the gardens will help?" he suggested.

She looked at him doubtfully. "You want to walk with me?"

"Yes…I think a little privacy is in order, don't you?"

Edith glanced around him and saw the others. "Yes…of course." Anthony thought she sounded disappointed.

Once they were away from the party, Anthony found a garden bench and they settled upon it. "Edith, I behaved horribly. There is no excuse for what I did, leaving you like that. I should have spoken earlier to save you the embarrassment. But you see, I hoped…I wanted so badly for us to…" He paused, seeing her shoulders shake as she began to sob again. "Oh my dearest, I was such a fool… I should never have let things get that far…"

"So you never intended to marry me? But then why…?"

"I did…well, not at first. I fought it if you remember. But you were so charming and vibrant and full of life and hope... you made me believe…Well, you won me over, you see. But I still couldn't quite get past it all…my age, my arm…It just didn't seem right. Everyone else thought so as well. And then that night when you said you loved me _because_ of my injuries…that undid me. But still…I thought perhaps…Oh my sweet one, I wanted it so much. But spending the day with you and your family and then…well, some things were said at the church. And overhearing them, I knew it was wrong. I couldn't do that to you… I simply couldn't. So I …did what I did. I am sorry, so dreadfully sorry. I've not had a moment's peace since…"

"I don't understand why you can't see, Anthony. You age didn't matter before the war but you came back hurt and…unsure. And suddenly age was an issue. And you went on and on about your arm but you were doing fine…just fine. I don't understand why you thought I might find anyone better suited for me."

"Edith," he whispered impatiently, much as he had that day. "Dearest, there are things I can't do…and if we had married it would have become quite evident…" His blue eyes bored into her.

"Things…like what?"

"I'm not certain…Dr. Clarkson said I should be alright but I'm just not certain…"

Not certain about what?"

"Oh my sweet innocent one, if we were to marry you would expect certain things from me…children and…certain comforts. And I'm not certain I …"

Her eyes grew wide with understanding. "I didn't realize…but if Dr. Clarkson said …"

"It isn't a physical thing…more like something in my mind… There were times when I felt quite up to the task and others…" He was thankful for the darkness so she couldn't fully see his embarrassment.

"So aside from that you wanted us to marry?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes, well… I still worried that you'd be widowed far too early and there's the matter of my arm…"

"Anthony, there are men who came back with much worse injuries."

"Yes, of course. But they don't have charming young wives to impress, I'll wager. And…well, the scars are rather brutal."

"Scars? You were worried about me seeing your scars?"

"Well …yes. I can't imagine you've encountered anything quite like it."

Sounding impatient, she huffed. "I told you about helping the soldiers at Downton."

"Yes, with letter writing and such…"

"And more than such… We had one patient toward the end; he was covered in bandages when he first arrived….chemical burns. Slowly the bandages came off but the skin that was left was badly damaged. Do you suppose your scars are worse than his?" She asked thinking about Patrick and very changed he was.

"Well, no…of course…"

"I saw him…his scars. And for a little while I thought I loved him, or could love him in time. So do you really believe your scars would frighten me?"

Anthony's brow furrowed as he gazed down at her. "You…loved him?" He sounded broken.

"I'm not sure. I thought I might at the time. But looking back, there was something holding me back… or someone. I didn't realize it until I saw you again at Granny's but I still had feelings for you…from before."

Anthony took a deep breath. "And now?"

"I don't think my feelings will ever change, Anthony. No matter what you do…or don't do. I've never met anyone with whom I feel so …well, it is like we are a perfect blend, one starts where the other ends sort of thing. It also occurs to me that we were never left alone long enough to discover … to explore …other aspects of a relationship, for you to gain confidence that you could…"

"Be a proper husband to you?"

Edith blushed, her face burning as she responded, "Yes."

Tentatively he reached up to touch her face cupping her jaw in his hand so that she was looking up, her eyes questioning but eager. He looked deep into her eyes and then around her face, his gaze settling on her lips. Then slowly he leaned down, touching his own lips to hers. His long fingers massaged beneath her ear and then moved into her hair behind it, all the while his lips caressing hers. No one had ever kissed her like that… not even Michael.

For once in his life Anthony let go of the rules and kissed her like he had wanted to for years. Everything he felt for her went into his kiss, igniting a hunger he'd thought he was incapable of feeling. And she was accepting it, apparently enjoying the kiss, responding even inviting more. So he kissed her more as he pulled her closer.

Edith's head began to spin as he continued to kiss her and his fingers kneaded the back of her head. She was trying to match him, her lisp parting for him, her tongue dancing with his. But her hands…what should she do with her hands, she wondered in her fog of bliss. Her left hand went to his head, mimicking his hold on her but what about her right one? If she used it on the other side of his head it would impede his hold on her and she didn't want that. So she settled for resting it over his heart, his rapidly beating heart. The rhythm was almost the same as hers, she mused as she felt the pounding in his chest. But touching him there was not enough and her hand venture over the plane of his chest for a better grip. His small gasp as her hand trailed across him thrilled her.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice was telling Anthony to stop, that this would end badly. But the feel of her in his arms; well, the one arm, where he'd longed to have her for so long was too sweet. For the first time in years, he felt happy, joyous even. The joy was quickly turning to something else however, something he thought no longer possible. She was igniting something in him, a passion he thought age and injury had stolen from him. And that little part of Anthony Strallan that was selfish was determined to revel in it.

Edith was doing some reveling of her own. He wanted her, her heart sang victoriously. This man, this handsome, charming, gentle, intelligent, interesting man wanted her…Edith Crawley, the middle sister, the homely one! He wanted her as much as she wanted him. And he wasn't holding onto his feelings as he usually did. He was making his feelings known to her, showing her all that he felt. There was no way she was going to put an end to it. In fact, she tried to think of ways to encourage him and was willing to give herself to him, if things were to go so far.

So of course, they did. Later Anthony would chastise himself for his behavior, taking advantage of her in that way, taking her innocence as if he had a right. She would tell him that he did have the right, that she had been his all along. However being a gentleman, Anthony still felt remorse. But that was later; on the night in question all he felt was elation and a certain relief…and he was forced to acknowledge how very much he loved this fascinating creature who gave him her most precious gift.

Even though it was illicit, their coupling was something beautiful for them both. Edith was finally where she wanted to be, serving him as a wife would even though she didn't have the rings and paper to go with it. In her mind they had been married for ages. And Anthony… it was as if the Humpty Dumpty part of him that had broken during the war was patched back together and he was whole again. The experience was so wonderful, so exquisite that it brought tears to his eyes.

They lingered together there in the garden under the stars for far too long but neither cared to break the spell they had fallen under. Eventually reality began to settle over them again, however and fumbling in the dark they did their best to put everything right again with their clothing before venturing back inside. They parted at the balcony, one last kiss because words would never do, and Edith entered first. Anthony went to a different door, waiting a moment or two and then re-entered the world.

Well aware of the time that had passed, Helen Gervas saw them come back and told her husband who then informed the Sutcliffes. Cora also watched as her daughter, looking not quite as put together as she had before, stepped back into the room. Cora had to stifle a smile when she saw Anthony step in, his hair somewhat out of place.

Full of remorse the next day, Anthony wanted to apologize to Edith for his behavior. Marriage didn't enter his thinking other than to be dismissed because he was certain she would want nothing more to do with him after his deplorable conduct. He spent two weeks alternating between finding the courage to face her and trying to devise a way to talk to her. He certainly knew he would not be welcome at Downton.

Edith was on a cloud at first. But as the days passed and she heard nothing from Anthony, she began to think he wanted nothing to do with her after she had succumbed so easily. Forlorn and tired of her family, she escaped to London on the excuse of meeting with her editor. But Michael's company only grated on her so after a few days, she told him she was returning to the country and then hid in her flat.

It was three weeks before Edith realized something was amiss. Another week convinced her of the problem and she went to the doctor, where her suspicions were confirmed. Angry and embarrassed, she spent another few days contemplating how to deal with the situation. She'd heard of homes that would take the babies but the idea of her baby in that situation repulsed her. Her parents would be mortified, she knew. And Anthony? Would he help her? He hadn't bothered to call on her since that night; would he want anything to do with her and his bastard child now? She remembered Ethel, the housemaid who had gotten pregnant during the war. She had been ruined. It was only with Isobel's help that Ethel had been able to recover at all. Isobel…yes, maybe Isobel could help…

So Edith went back to Downton and quickly sought Isobel's counsel. Isobel was sympathetic, although furious with Anthony. Edith tried to tell her that it wasn't all Anthony's fault.

"Yes, but what has he done since?" Isobel asked pointedly. Of course, Edith didn't have an answer.

"You should first go to him and tell him," she said finally. "Give him the chance to do what is right."

"But I don't want him to marry me out of some sense of obligation," Edith moaned.

"Why shouldn't he? He does have an obligation here, you see…if not to you then at least to your child. And you should give him the opportunity to live up to that. He isn't a bad man, Edith; although his behavior in this has been questionable."

So Edith went from Isobel's to Locksley. When Oakley showed her into the library where Anthony was sipping tea, he looked stricken and afraid. "Edith," he said as he stood. "I'd heard you were in London…"

"I have been. After not hearing from you after…that night, I thought I should get away."

"About that…I…my behavior that night was… well, deplorable." He looked so anxious and contrite that it tugged at her heart. "I wanted to call on you to apologize but…I didn't quite know how to approach you…at Downton, I mean. I know I am not welcome there since…the wedding."

"Deplorable?" She replied in a daze. "Not at all, I thought it was rather …well, definitely not deplorable … overdue perhaps?"

His jaw dropped. Surely she wasn't serious. "Overdue? Edith, I had no right to…to…."

"Make me yours? I told you Anthony, I've been yours all along, marriage certificate or not. But that's not why I am here…" She thought about it and changed her mind, "well, it is actually but not because I am looking for an apology or explanation. We both had a part in it, Anthony. The thing is…I need to know…"

He looked at her expectantly. "Know what?"

"What part will you have now?"

He stared at her baffled. "Part? I don't understand …"

"Anthony, there are consequences for the pleasure we had that night…"

Again, he stared at her, uncomprehending. Edith wasn't sure if she was amused by his lack of understanding or frustrated, but as she watched him trying to grasp her meaning she was certain that she would love this man until her dying breath. Therefore, she saw the instant he grasped it. His face underwent a series of changes from shock to alarm to delight and then to fear. He staggered a step towards her as he began to absorb it. "You…you're…"

"Going to have a baby… your baby. And I need to know what you intend to do about it."

"Do? What can I do? I…oh, you mean…oh…what do you want me to do about it?" He peered at her inquiringly, his face reflecting what she thought was dread.

"I…need to know what support I might expect from you if I have this baby."

That staggered him even more. "If? Edith you're not considering…you can't…oh god, what have I done?" He'd suddenly gone quite pale and his fear was palatable.

"No, I didn't mean to imply…that. But there are places that will take the baby…"

"Is...is that what you want?" His mind wouldn't function properly and he was having trouble corralling the various emotions that were running rampant through him. His greatest impulse was to embrace her, hold her tight and never, ever let her go. But he didn't think that would be welcome. She was acting so distant, so wary.

His question broke her and tears began to tumble down her face. "No…No, what I want is you….I want you to love me like I thought you did that night and I want this baby to be a happy event, something that binds us forever. I want us to be there for one another and have this baby and raise it together and live happily ever after."

Instantly the fog lifted from Anthony's mind and he knew what to do, what to say, how to act. Crossing to her in two swift steps, he gathered her to him and held her against him, leaning over her and kissing whatever part of her his lips could find. "Oh my sweet, I want that too. It's my fault; it's all my fault. I've been so blind, so unsure of myself that I've failed you…us. But it's alright; I see it now. I see this life you've dreamed for us and I want it…all of it. There will be times when I need reminding, but I think I can manage it, be the husband you want me to be."

And so they were married. Robert Crawley was furious when he was told his daughter was marrying Anthony out of necessity until Cora reminded him that had he and his mother been more supportive before, things would have happened in the usual order. The baby was born in its due time, although many who were on the fringe of their circle worried that it was pre-mature. But Hugh and Helen Gervas and Nigel and Eleanor Sutcliffe knew that the baby arrived on schedule. Their silence was sealed, however, when they attended its Christening as godparents. Young Nigel Hugh Strallan never knew the entire story of his origins, only that he was conceived in love as were his younger brothers and sisters.

* * *

I don't know what it is about this pairing that I cannot leave alone! Wait, yes I do...they are so perfect for one another in so many ways. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed;-)


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